Final Destination

The mystery has been solved.

I have finally faced it, understood it, cried over it, and now trying to grapple and conquer it.

All it took was time, courage and a good friend there.

And it was she who finally made me see the true face of the devil I was fighting these few months.

It was me.

Some of you may or may not understand this post.

But I beseech you to let me pour out the words here.

For it will be the last thing I’ve gotta do before I will take a step forward towards a whole horizon again. That no matter how little confidence or how much self-doubt I have, this is still the ultimate comfort it provides, the final destination I must embark upon before I leave this path of sadness and misery.

To the ones who stood by me today, thank you.

No words can express my gratitude for those who believed in me, placed their faith in me, and encouraged me to stand up when I fell hard.

Some say they are proud of me.

They see the toil. The sweat. The blood.

But it was never good enough for me.

Because if it ain’t perfect to me, it ain’t perfect at all.

It’s funny isn’t it. Seeing Mel as a perfectionist.

Mel who’s forever dandy in the face of almost anything.

Few ever know this truth. But today, know that I strive to give my all, be the best I can in whatever I do.

But sometimes, it’s just not good enough. In fact most of the time, its never good enough.

Like the cakes I bake that will always be a complete flop no matter how many praises are sung.

It’s just not good enough. Always.

They say I push myself too hard.

But all I want is to be the best I can be.

Because this is the only dream I ever had.

And when the devil mercilessly took it away from me, my world came crashing down and I plunged to the darkest pits of hell.

I’m still trying to find my way out, mind you.

But I know some day I will see the light again.

And I know that day will come.

And I know you will be waiting there for me, to hold my hand again.

Have faith in me once more.

I will get through this.

To the devil inside: the fight starts tonight.