Senseless Ramblings

Finally, I make my presence felt once again here in my bloggie for my loyal fans.

My life is so twirling downwards these days and I have no idea what is this I am feeling.

No doubt, work is a part of it.

If there's anything I can't stand, its doing admin work. The very reason why I left my previous hotel job becomes the reason why I am here at this moment. Life is so unpredictable.

It got me thinking - the last time in my previous job when I began to feel as sian as this, I immediately tendered. To me, its pure torture to be stuck in something you have absolutely no interest and talent in. ADMIN WORK IS NOT FOR A DISORGANISED PERSON LIKE ME.

Then when I came here, I realised that the nature of the job scope is not the only make or break reason. Colleagues play a big part as well and thankfully I have wonderful colleagues whom I adore greatly. Its a good thing, and a bad thing. Good because they help to maintain my sanity. Bad because I am so emotionally attached to them that I can't bear to submit my letter and run away like how I would normally do in jobs I don't like.

Wonderful colleagues are as rare as pink carrots in the corporate world. (I don't know what kinda analogy this is, but just indulge me and smile.)

Don't you just hate choices like this?

And while work is eating my energy and sanity, life isn't that great at home either. Ian, the Mini Schnauzer whom I am fostering at the moment is precariously strumming my already-very-thin nerves. Not exactly his fault that he has behavorial problems but this is not what I am looking forward to after a day of shitty work.

Wonderful news - I found an adopter for him.

Depressing news - They will only take him next weekend so I have to endure the bastard for another week.

So much for a dog lover huh? Hey, even those you love can drive you crazy.

The times with Ian got me thinking - Ian has the same aggression problems as Alex in the past. They both hate dogs and go crazy upon sight. But after months of tedious training, Alex is such a gem now. Not exactly a sparkling jewel but at least he no longer seek to kill other furry beings. You would think that after my experience with Alex, I would be able to handle Ian better but nope. It's actually a turn off. This sense of deja vu is not welcoming in the least.

At first I thought it was plain bias. Then I asked Tongzhi if she would handle another dog who has the same problems as Russell in the past and she gave me the same reply.

"No. I don't want to go through it ever again."

She makes me feel normal again.

Which is a pity. With the experience comes the phobia. Are we the only ones? Would you want to deal with the same problems again and again? Is our experience a waste then? Or are we simply bias?

If my dream dog, a CC, has (choy choy) dominance aggression, would I be willing to retrain the dog from the start like what I did with Alex? Would I go through the blood, sweat and tears and walk the lonely road with him/her in hope that one day the dog will learn?

I asked my (a bit wise) sister regarding this too, and her reply was very simple.

"It was your choice. You chose Alex. You didnt choose Ian."

Such simple words, yet made me understand so many things.

Choices. The one word that makes the difference.