Long Lost Family Time

I'm the eldest in my family.

The one who should protect, guide and love his/her siblings etc.

It's a huge responsibility and it's something i have not done through the years. Even my diplomatic 2nd sister had to agree on that when i asked her so.

I pretty much left them alone when they were kids... and even til now when they are teenagers. I wasn't a sweet adoring elder sister who loves her sisters dearly. Heck, I don't even know what they like/dislike, how their grades are like, what troubles they have... and i honestly can't say that i really bothered much. Was it the age gap between us? After all, Joanne and Jeanette, with closer ages, seemed to get along better with each other.

Or maybe i'm just a bad sister.

In fact, i think i have only gotten closer to my family only in these recent months after I've quit my job. Can you imagine that my mum actually asked me about "my boyfriend" when I was eating my dinner and minding my own business? It felt awkward talking to her about Damien and why we weren't meeting even though he was back from the States. I make it a point to keep my family out of my love life. Come to think of it, I pretty much kept them out of everything.

Which is quite sad really. I ain't a rebellious 14 year old anymore who can't communicate with her family. I'm 22, a young adult and yet... there's still a shield between me and them. Sure, we talk, laugh and joke. But they can't and probably won't know me beyond what i will let them know. And once I enter the workforce again, things will probably revert back to how it used to be. Out of the house 90% of the time, with no time and mood for little family chitchats. No time for little chatterings with my sisters and her friends, no time for table talks with my mum or debates with my dad.

I'll probably miss all the time I've spent with my family these 5 months. Somehow I've interacted more with them during these 5 months than in all my 22 years.

What the hell have I been doing all these years anyway?