Uncage The Bird!

Oooooh! I did it!!!!!

I finally quit my fucking cheebye job!

Everybody sing with meeeeeeeee!

As with all my jobs, I strive to learn something new each time I land myself into a new stint. And this is what I have learnt from my current fucked up one:

1) Its always your fault. Because you're the one doing it though your manager is the one who's supposed to go through and sign. Regardless, its your fault if things go wrong (and it will go wrong). Accept it.

2) Want to be a manager? Simple. First things first, learn these words: Please check and revert.

3) Next step, apply these words to all your emails and send out to your staff. Its really really not called taiji. They got a nicer word for it, you see and its called delegation.

4) Step number 2 - if angry customers demand to see you, simply nail yourself to the chair and refuse to step out of your room. Let those customers clobber your staff to death. Just pray they don't stain the new carpet in the process.

5) Step number 3 - ensure that the photocopy machine breaks down regularly so your staff cannot keep copied proofs of work that they have passed to you. You can then turn tables round and say, "No what, you never pass anything to me."

6) Step number 4 - be on your feet at all times. Constantly sneak behind your staff a la ninja style to watch what they are doing. Duely report to the IT manager if you find any computer screens with Yahoo! homepages instead of the company's one. Its unfair if your staff is more tech savvy then you, you see.

7) Step number 5 - Convince yourself that your office is overstaffed, and that the supervisor is really a good for nothing. You are the only one doing work. After all, typing "please check and revert" on all emails for all your staff IS considered doing work. Without you, the whole place will fall in shambles.

8) Step number 6 - If your staff tries to find fault with you, simply look resigned and say "its management's decision." There's really nothing you can do. Really.

9) Step number 7 - If management tries to find fault with you, simply look resigned and say. "its my staff's fault." There's also nothing you can do. Really, really.

10) Step number 8 - Trust no one with keys. It doesn't matter if your staff is locked outside the office because they have no keys and you have 3. It doesn't matter if they cannot open any rooms because someone else signed out the keys and you have a dangling bunch in your pocket. It doesn't matter if contractors have to run all over the place looking for the main room keys when you have one tucked snugly in your pocket. Keys are to be at your side at all times. Die with them.

11) Step number 9 - When doing inspection checks, you MUST walk from room 1 to room 10 and not the other way round. Ever. Because the route map says so.

12) Step number 10 - Last but not least, be blind to all the blaring signs that you are one fucking useless manager.