Dog eat dog world

Is it me, or are young purebreeds flooding the adoption arena in recent years?

As if rehoming mongrels are not hard enough, no thanks to the blatent and disgusting lack of pet education in many stupid Singaporeans along with senseless govt housing rules. Yes, Big Brother has to control every farking single thing that you do, even right down to the nitty gritty like how many kids you should have, how many pets you should house and what kinda pets you should own.

Q:What kinda rule is it anyway, to limit certain breeds of dogs in govt apartments?

A:A senseless one. Why is it ok to have a Jack Russel in the apartment but not a bulldog?

The blatently ignorant public will say, because bulldog bigger mah. Very cruel leh, to keep a big dog in a pigeon hole. Tsk tsk.

How come nobody gave a thought about the ACTIVITY LEVELS of the different breeds instead? Fark, if I were to draw up those dumb rules, i will ban Jack Russels in apartments. Too active and NOISY. Same goes for shih tzus. And malteses. And Schnauzers.

Heck, my rules will get rid of all toy breeds in apartments. Farking noisy assholes. It's a proven fact that toy breeds are more barkish than their larger counterparts. They have an inferiority complex you see, because they're so farking puny. So they compensate their lack of size by barking more and their barks are often ear-peircing and farking irritating.

But i digress. I shouldn't be blaming toy dogs for their shrill vocal capabilities. It is afterall, the dumb owners who can't and/or won't train their dogs properly. But activity level on the other hand is not something that can be easily controlled through training. You can't make a hyperactive JRT into a docile and laid back dude in 3 months just like you can't transform a relac-one-corner bulldog into a 24hr crazed ball-fetching idiot.

And if i'm gonna have a lil experiment and lock up a JRT and a Bulldog in seperate apartments with love and care but NO walks at all, who do you think is going to go nutty first?

One of my amusements when i first learnt of the apartment dog rules was the weight limit, which is prob the reason why beagles and cockers got booted off the list.

I was like huh????

Say, maybe there should be a rule that fat people shouldn't be allowed to live in apartment buildings as well.

Local animal organisations have appealed to authorities, to increase the height and weight limits of approved breeds so that our mongrels can be adopted legally by the public. Of course, it was turned down flat, stating something like being considerate to the neighbours? Which brings me back to fat people in apartment buildings.

How many extremely fat assholes can our little lifts contain? 3-4, perhaps? How many skinny people can our little lifts contain? Definately more than 3-4. How would you feel if you'd waited 3 stupid minutes for the goddamn lift to reach your floor, only to find that 3 fat asses are occupying every available space, so poor you will have to wait for the next lift instead. Now how inconsiderate is that man! Tsk tsk.

Let's all vote to boot out Evil Fatties from our apartments.

Why? Are you gonna hate me because I just discriminated against fat human beings? Those poor souls, always the butt of jokes in our cruel society, and nasty Mel is now even plotting to chase them out of their home sweet home.

All these talks about fat people are distracting me from my main topic.

Q: Oh Wise Mel, what changes should be done to the apartment dog rules? Please enlighten us, O Holy One!

A: I'd make all breeds acceptable and I'll step up checks to ensure that all dogs are treated humanely. Don't give me the shit that its cruel to house a big dog in a small flat. It's cruel to house ANY dog in ANY size of living space without walks and socialisation.

Which is more cruel - a little chihuahua who lives its whole life in a large house with no inkling of the outside world vs a golden retriever living in a pigeon hole but gets walks and outings daily?

Does the quantity of space overide the quality of life?

And by making all breeds legal, i can enjoy slapping the next apartment dweller who turns down a mongrel for adoption. *gleeful smile*

Q: But Beautiful Goddess, we must be considerate to ALL who shares the building!

A: If you're scared of dogs, then just keep a distance. Just like how i avert my eyes and try not to stare at fat ladies who wear mid drifts and play peek-a-boo with their triple layers of tummy jigglies. Consideration and respect goes both ways, doesn't it? Why must big dogs be banned just because a handful are scared? Why can't the dumb handful be considerate to those who love bigger breeds as well? And if some dogs are making a nuisance, it's fair game to report them. (See, I'm a fair person rite!)

Q: Oh what about 'em cats, Divine Intelligent One?

A: I shall be considerate to ALL and approve cats for apartment living as well. Now that's another rule i don't understand. And yes, I'll revive the sterilisation scheme for cats (oh rejoice!) and add another one for stray dogs as well!

Q: What else would you have done, O Kind Fair Lady?

A: Step up pet education for the stupid general public. I'm grossed out at how ill-informed many of them are. Cane and jail animal abusers. The current punishment is atrocious. Hmmm or rather, let's just hang them to death shall we? Close down all pet farms and petshops selling livestock. So, if people wanna have a dog, they either have to go through the hassle of importing one themselves or simply adopting one.

Oh, and for those who say that they don't like/refuse to adopt mongrels, they are to be arrested and subjected to a night of butt farks with a 15 inch metal rod with spikes.