It's irritatingly laggy... unreasonably laggy in fact. I've only turned it on for an hour so I have no idea what's causing the lag. Its a relatively brand new computer too but i swear, my 5 year old dead P3 comp is much faster and smoother. Like what the hell.
As you can probably tell, i'm in a rather bad mood.
Things between my dad and Alex had been going well for these few weeks. My dad even set aside extra meat for Alex to eat, something he has not done since... God knows how long.
And of course, Alex has to blow the chance of getting into my dad's good books - by peeing on his bed, of all places.
And so, the nonsense has to start again.
My dad threatening to leave the house until the dog is gone.
Everyone else in the family asking "whatcha gonna do with Alex?"
I'm going through the same old shit again and again.
I'm tired.
I'm sick of having to make that choice again, dad or Alex.
I've even contemplated if i shld just move out with Alex once and for all. It's really tempting considering that I've been playing with that idea for YEARS. Yes, i don't wanna stay with my family. I love them but staying with them is a whole different matter altogether. As long as I'm in this house, I cannot fulfil my dreams, my ideals, my passion. Because of the overwhelming patriarchal power suffocating the life outta me.
It can get rather frustrating, having to wait and wait for the time to come so I can finally move out.
And no, don't blame my dog for that. I've wanted to move out ever since i was 12, way before Alex came into my life. Why? I don't know either. Its just one of the things I've been dying to do, but never had the financial capability to.
And this is not a move to be made hastily i know. Because once I've moved out, I will NOT want to move back with them again. And that only means i really need strong financial backing. To spread your wings and fly outta the nest is a farking expensive decision in Singapore.
I don't get it.
Alex has been with the family for 3+ years now. You mean, there's no affection for a dog who's been sharing the same roof as you all these years? I look at friends' dogs and i wonder, what have they done that i have not? Why is it that their dogs can live in harmony with their family but mine just can't?
Its not like Alex is a bad dog or anything. I think he's pretty wonderful., though he gets into trouble sometimes (which dog doesn't?). But each time he gets into trouble, the family gets divided. Me and alex on one side, my sis and mum in the middle trying to be peacemakers, and my dad screaming at the other end.
Is it because Alex is not the usual affectionate and in-your-face dog who can easily worm himself into my family's hearts? Is it because Alex is not a small cuddly toy dog whom you can place onto your laps and go ga-ga over? Is it because i brought Alex in without permission in the first place?
Is there really no love for the dog at all, after all these yrs? No feelings whatsoever that you always have to resort to wanting to get rid of the dog out everytime he makes a mistake?
You asked me to think about your feelings when you come home from work after a long day and see the mess created by the dog.
Now, please consider my feelings too whenever you ask me to make the choice between you and Alex. Do you know it hurts a lot?
It's an almost impossible decision to make.
Does anyone understand this?
I've fought many battles for and with Alex. I fought for family approval and acceptance when he first came. I fought to win Alex's trust and affection, and only won it after a year. He came to me, untrained and unruly. A dog who doesn't know how to walk on a leash. A dog who doesn't know commands. A dog who hates other dogs and will not hesitate to fight and bite.
Today, he can walk well on the leash. Today he understands commands and tricks. And my proudest achievement of all, my boy accepts and plays with other dogs now, male or female alike.
The only battle I've fought but keeps losing?
His place in the family. A final acceptance for ALL to love him and grant him a place in their hearts and home.
A home where he can truly belong. Where he doesnt have to roam the streets ever again. Where he doesn't get threatened to get booted out everytime he gets himself into deep shit.
Is that too much to ask for?
0 spanks on my perky butt.:
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