The Passing

Today I brought my darling boy, Alex to the SKC dog show at Expo. We saw many dogs, big and small, some in their Sunday best, decked out and ready to go. Smiling owners and happy dogs.

Today John's dog An An breathed his last at Mount Pleasant Hospital. So sudden, so painful. A fleeting hope, a crashing ending. Flowing tears and broken hearts. A crying owner, never to see his beloved one again.

Today Shaw brought forth 6 stray puppies with eyes barely opened at Death's door. He didn't want another AVA tragedy. He became the Dealer and dished out the puppies' fate - PTS at SPCA. Emotions were curbed. The heart was steeled. The spirit was broken. For today.

All Dogs. Different Breeds. Lagi Different Lives.

Sometimes, its really nice to be blissfully ignorant of all these.

To sum it up, it had been a tedious weekend, with uproars, tears and death. Lots of death, especially with the sudden passing of An An. No doubt he was already 12 years old and laden with cataracts, and it would be naive to think that the little Japanese Spitz lookalike would live on forever. John had, in fact, commented rather regularly these days that An An might leave us one day. But we never thought that one day would come so soon. Too soon in fact. Just like it always does.

The Angel Of Death which took An An's life was in the form of a harmless little bone, swallowed too quickly to defend his own food from another dog. It's called survival instinct. In this case, its also called irony.

Hearing John's side of the story was heart-wrenching enough over dinner. I think he controlled himself pretty well, and only his misty eyes betrayed his emotions as he related the shit he had to go through from the signing of the indemnity forms, making the crucial decision of whether to PTS, seeing the dead body of An An (with eyes still open), deciding where to put the ashes... All done alone.

4 days before, his dog was alive, kicking, and probably fighting for attention with the second resident dog, Ping Ping the Chihuahua.

4 days later, we will never get to pat, hold and touch the physical self of the little white fur ball again.

I think all of us were so affected by what had happened today that we all rushed home just to be with our dogs. To hold them close, to hug them tight. To treasure that little smile, to adore that loving face. To tell them again how much we love them... again and again. In case, just in case... we never have that chance ever again.

The day will come when my dog Alex will leave me too, and the thought itself is already making my heart lose a beat. Will I choose the path that John took? Will I ever regret? Will Alex and I fight til the end? Will I rather opt that he goes away painlessly? Will he show me signs that he wants to live? O will he beg me to let him go in peace?

When someday, my happy times with my darling boy become just a fleeting memory, a collection of tales, a soul etched in my heart forever, please grant me the strength to brave the storm and carry on.